This was a great year for self discovery...thus 2009 for Dummies is born.
I had many things to think about, suicide, accidental death,natural death...death being my least favourite subject! It was also a time of another kind of loss, many clients, friends and family lost jobs. Money became an issue even more and many people wondered how they would have enough to even cover their rent. 2009 brought about some family changes as well but for the most part all very welcome and positive. Hearts do soften and time does heal, that was a big lesson this past year. I have had a lot of growth, learning to understand myself more, my needs, my tolerances and my shortcomings. I have come to understand where I want to go and where I want to be. I understand why I love people and why I need to let others go...this is all about my growth. I have never been in a more positive place in my life, never had such a peaceful heart as I do at this moment. Although I could always use more money I have riches beyond measure in so many ways. Those moments in 2009 that brought tears and turmoil served as a reminder that life simply cannot be taken for granted. Enjoy what we have and appreciate it, don't lose sight of your goals but don't take for granted the good you have at THIS moment. 2010 welcome to my life!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
on these days in 2006.....
pop...
Dec. 29th, 2006 | 04:20 am
my water broke...I thought I peed myself
Home Sweet Home aka the Frankenvagina Returns
Dec. 31st, 2006 | 10:24 am
Let me start by saying waking up or rather being woken up at 4 am by feeling like you peed the bed is about as bad as it can get in the field of humiliation....thinking *wow I have to wake my husband to tell him I peed the bed so we can change the sheets, how nice for me*...
Surprise! Not urine but a very blatant I am on my way out sign from Rowan.
I am now home and will post a birth story later for all those dying to know the gory details but for now I say it is good to be home and to have slept in my own bed, I shall save the drama for you mamas later! Now I go rest my weary eyes and nether regions.
The Obligatory New Year's Eve Post.
Dec. 31st, 2006 | 04:19 pm
Not much to say but 2006 saw a great many things come about for me which have all been positive. Home salon is doing well, met the man I am married to who I adore, have a full family unit and the piece de resistance is that Rowan came just in time to ring in the New Year! Bring on 2007!!!! I have a lot of love in my heart and I hope you do too.
The Birth Story or How to Birth Baby Before 6 pm When your Doctor's Shift is Up!
Jan. 3rd, 2007 | 05:57 pm
4:12 am my water broke...rather trickled making me think I wet my bed in my sleep...when I stood up it was definitely my water breaking! I showered while Billy called my mom to let her know to get her sleepy butt here to watch the children. Apparently my mom was thinking she could come at a more reasonable time until I called her and told her that the children needed an adult even if they were still asleep...my mother must do crack sometimes but THAT is another story. I chalked her stupidity up to being woken up at 4:30 am and that is the story I am sticking to. Billy had to go pick up my mom because my stepfather refused to wake up so that took a bit of time, in the meantime I cleaned my bedroom (which if you have ever been in my room it is rarely tidy) but the power of nesting compelled me to at least bring new baby home to less clutter where he sleeps. Finally we get to the hospital, B drops me off at the doors I go up to triage alone while he finds suitable aka cheap as he can find parking and I get signed in to triage. We get our cubicle in triage, I get hooked up to a fetal heart monitor and a contraction monitor as well as my IV penicillin...yay GBS positive! Rowan is doing fine, contractions are coming but with no great consistency or strength, I doze in and out of sleep until the doctors come to see me, check to see how thin my cervix is and how far I am dilated and at that point I am about 50% effaced and 2-3 cm dilated so they leave me be for a couple of hours to see if we actually go into active labour. By 11 am I am admitted into a birthing room and the doc tells me due to my GBS positive state they need to move this labour along so they say Oxytocin and I cringe in fear and horror but I know at this stage it is for the best. He says first things first I need an epidural, I challenge this but he says we can keep it dry until such time as I need it if I like but he says that being a VBAC is a risk and if they need to operate it'll be immediate so there needs to be preparations made and having the epidural in will save valuable time and I agree reluctantly. I get the epidural...seriously I am not a fan of getting this done AT ALL! B almost passes out from either the smell of it or the actual action of the doc who knows but he has to go sit down and I laugh wholeheartedly with the nurse about how tough my man is. I am all needled up, got my IV flowing and now the Oxytocin in and the anesthesiologist says that he thinks it is best to get the epidural running now that the Oxytocin is in because he wants to make sure it is actually working in case I need to go to surgery. At this point I relent, nothing has gone my way so far anyway why start now. He runs it at minimal dose and we wait...
By 3 pm my contractions can be felt through the epidural and as tough as I am trying to stay I can't handle the pain anymore and need to up my dose of meds so I push the button and continue to do so every ten minutes until it is time to push which doesn't happen until about 5:15 so pain she is my mistress for several hours. Thank heavens for Billy and the amazing nurse I had and my awesome not too invasive doctor! When having a baby you can have no shame, you cannot be shy or weird about everyone having their head's, hands and what not in your genitals, you cannot be weird about bodily fluids and you most certainly cannot be squeamish about people touching your no-no places in ways no one has ever or will ever touch you again. By the time I was ready to push I felt like the doctor and I had been dating for years he was so familiar with my parts. The removed the external fetal heart monitor from my belly and actually attached one to Rowan's head which then sounded like a loud game of Pong and as I pushed I could hear his heart rate drop and then elevate but it was going so slowly and finally when I heard his heart rate drop under 61 and not return to normal I panicked and pushed myself to push harder, I unfortunately required an episiotomy and that helped get Rowan out a lot faster. He came out wrapped in his umbilical cord from head to toe and was quite blue but after they untangled him and B cut the cord he became a normal colour. He scored first an 8 on the Apgar and then a 9 and when I got to finally hold him I was stunned! I had a baby with hair!!! Not just a little hair but a fair bit of DARK hair!!! AND he was not pastey white! This could not be my child! At 5:55 pm on Friday December 29th Rowan William was born. Rowan weighed in at 7lbs 7.4 oz and over 19 cm in length...I was so relieved he was not much bigger!
My husband was amazing, he really was such a good coach and trooper, my team was amazing with exception of my resident, who when stitching me up was clumsy and SLOW and had me wanting to punch him. Overall, for a highly risky and medically intervened birth it was a great experience.
The only thing I am pissy about is once I got up on the ward my semi- private room was probably more noisy than bunking with the four gals I did last time. I was dead asleep at 11 pm and they moved this lady in who also had her WHOLE family with her and they were loud, her husband, their kids, the mother and mother in-law, the father and father-in-law the whole kitten caboodle! I did not get any sleep in the hospital and they kept the Oxytocin running until 6 am the next morning because my nurse forgot to remove it and even though I took the pain meds they gave the contraction pain was unbelievably horrid and it kept me awake the entire night and at 6 when I happened to look at the sticker on the bag and realize it was Oxytocin running through me I freaked out. I told them they needed to come right way or I was taking the IV out myself, I was literally contracting like I had been during birthing but with no epidural and no meds but tylenol.
Rowan took to nursing right away, I could not get the latch down, I have since figured it out on one side! I am still diligently working on the other side but in the meantime I pump and pump and pump every three hours...I am a trooper.
Dec. 29th, 2006 | 04:20 am
my water broke...I thought I peed myself
Home Sweet Home aka the Frankenvagina Returns
Dec. 31st, 2006 | 10:24 am
Let me start by saying waking up or rather being woken up at 4 am by feeling like you peed the bed is about as bad as it can get in the field of humiliation....thinking *wow I have to wake my husband to tell him I peed the bed so we can change the sheets, how nice for me*...
Surprise! Not urine but a very blatant I am on my way out sign from Rowan.
I am now home and will post a birth story later for all those dying to know the gory details but for now I say it is good to be home and to have slept in my own bed, I shall save the drama for you mamas later! Now I go rest my weary eyes and nether regions.
The Obligatory New Year's Eve Post.
Dec. 31st, 2006 | 04:19 pm
Not much to say but 2006 saw a great many things come about for me which have all been positive. Home salon is doing well, met the man I am married to who I adore, have a full family unit and the piece de resistance is that Rowan came just in time to ring in the New Year! Bring on 2007!!!! I have a lot of love in my heart and I hope you do too.
The Birth Story or How to Birth Baby Before 6 pm When your Doctor's Shift is Up!
Jan. 3rd, 2007 | 05:57 pm
4:12 am my water broke...rather trickled making me think I wet my bed in my sleep...when I stood up it was definitely my water breaking! I showered while Billy called my mom to let her know to get her sleepy butt here to watch the children. Apparently my mom was thinking she could come at a more reasonable time until I called her and told her that the children needed an adult even if they were still asleep...my mother must do crack sometimes but THAT is another story. I chalked her stupidity up to being woken up at 4:30 am and that is the story I am sticking to. Billy had to go pick up my mom because my stepfather refused to wake up so that took a bit of time, in the meantime I cleaned my bedroom (which if you have ever been in my room it is rarely tidy) but the power of nesting compelled me to at least bring new baby home to less clutter where he sleeps. Finally we get to the hospital, B drops me off at the doors I go up to triage alone while he finds suitable aka cheap as he can find parking and I get signed in to triage. We get our cubicle in triage, I get hooked up to a fetal heart monitor and a contraction monitor as well as my IV penicillin...yay GBS positive! Rowan is doing fine, contractions are coming but with no great consistency or strength, I doze in and out of sleep until the doctors come to see me, check to see how thin my cervix is and how far I am dilated and at that point I am about 50% effaced and 2-3 cm dilated so they leave me be for a couple of hours to see if we actually go into active labour. By 11 am I am admitted into a birthing room and the doc tells me due to my GBS positive state they need to move this labour along so they say Oxytocin and I cringe in fear and horror but I know at this stage it is for the best. He says first things first I need an epidural, I challenge this but he says we can keep it dry until such time as I need it if I like but he says that being a VBAC is a risk and if they need to operate it'll be immediate so there needs to be preparations made and having the epidural in will save valuable time and I agree reluctantly. I get the epidural...seriously I am not a fan of getting this done AT ALL! B almost passes out from either the smell of it or the actual action of the doc who knows but he has to go sit down and I laugh wholeheartedly with the nurse about how tough my man is. I am all needled up, got my IV flowing and now the Oxytocin in and the anesthesiologist says that he thinks it is best to get the epidural running now that the Oxytocin is in because he wants to make sure it is actually working in case I need to go to surgery. At this point I relent, nothing has gone my way so far anyway why start now. He runs it at minimal dose and we wait...
By 3 pm my contractions can be felt through the epidural and as tough as I am trying to stay I can't handle the pain anymore and need to up my dose of meds so I push the button and continue to do so every ten minutes until it is time to push which doesn't happen until about 5:15 so pain she is my mistress for several hours. Thank heavens for Billy and the amazing nurse I had and my awesome not too invasive doctor! When having a baby you can have no shame, you cannot be shy or weird about everyone having their head's, hands and what not in your genitals, you cannot be weird about bodily fluids and you most certainly cannot be squeamish about people touching your no-no places in ways no one has ever or will ever touch you again. By the time I was ready to push I felt like the doctor and I had been dating for years he was so familiar with my parts. The removed the external fetal heart monitor from my belly and actually attached one to Rowan's head which then sounded like a loud game of Pong and as I pushed I could hear his heart rate drop and then elevate but it was going so slowly and finally when I heard his heart rate drop under 61 and not return to normal I panicked and pushed myself to push harder, I unfortunately required an episiotomy and that helped get Rowan out a lot faster. He came out wrapped in his umbilical cord from head to toe and was quite blue but after they untangled him and B cut the cord he became a normal colour. He scored first an 8 on the Apgar and then a 9 and when I got to finally hold him I was stunned! I had a baby with hair!!! Not just a little hair but a fair bit of DARK hair!!! AND he was not pastey white! This could not be my child! At 5:55 pm on Friday December 29th Rowan William was born. Rowan weighed in at 7lbs 7.4 oz and over 19 cm in length...I was so relieved he was not much bigger!
My husband was amazing, he really was such a good coach and trooper, my team was amazing with exception of my resident, who when stitching me up was clumsy and SLOW and had me wanting to punch him. Overall, for a highly risky and medically intervened birth it was a great experience.
The only thing I am pissy about is once I got up on the ward my semi- private room was probably more noisy than bunking with the four gals I did last time. I was dead asleep at 11 pm and they moved this lady in who also had her WHOLE family with her and they were loud, her husband, their kids, the mother and mother in-law, the father and father-in-law the whole kitten caboodle! I did not get any sleep in the hospital and they kept the Oxytocin running until 6 am the next morning because my nurse forgot to remove it and even though I took the pain meds they gave the contraction pain was unbelievably horrid and it kept me awake the entire night and at 6 when I happened to look at the sticker on the bag and realize it was Oxytocin running through me I freaked out. I told them they needed to come right way or I was taking the IV out myself, I was literally contracting like I had been during birthing but with no epidural and no meds but tylenol.
Rowan took to nursing right away, I could not get the latch down, I have since figured it out on one side! I am still diligently working on the other side but in the meantime I pump and pump and pump every three hours...I am a trooper.
smilin' Rowan
sleepy Rowan
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